Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and, as you consider the career and future presidential prospects of an incredible American phenomenon named Michele Bachmann, do one more thing. Don't laugh.
It may be the hardest thing you ever do, for Michele Bachmann is almost certainly the funniest thing that has ever happened to American presidential politics.
cc: crackpots, kooks and tinfoil
If a tree falls and there is a person around the sound is easily recognized.
If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody nearby, the sound that it makes is very different and often not recognized as the sound of a tree falling.
Who am I? That is a simple question, yet it is one without a simple answer. I am many things—and I am one thing. But I am not a thing that is just lying around somewhere, like a pen, or a toaster, or a housewife. That is for sure. I am much more than that. I am a living, breathing thing, a thing that can draw with a pen and toast with a toaster and chat with a housewife, who is sitting on a couch eating toast. And still, I am much more.
I am trustworthy and loyal, but at the same time I am no Boy Scout. No, I am certainly not. I am quite the opposite, in fact. And by opposite I do not mean Girl Scout. No. I mean Man Scout. And by that I do not mean Scout Leader. In fact, I am not affiliated with the Scouts at all. Let’s just forget about the Scouts and Scouting altogether, O.K.?
I am concepts and thoughts and feelings and outfits. And I am each of these all at once, unless I am in the shower. Then I am not outfits, because that would be uncomfortable.
A luxury suite at the W Hotel in Dallas is as good a place as any to conquer the world. At least it seemed that way in 2007 when Tobechi Onwuhara got the crew together. They'd meet there often, seven or eight of them. Some had nicknames from the Ian Fleming lexicon: C, Q, and E. Others were called Mookie, Orji, Uche. They would spread out on designer sofas and at the wet bar, open three-ring binders, and fire up laptops with hard-to-trace wireless cards. On a nearby table there'd be prepaid cellphones with area codes taped to them. A phone for Southern California. A phone for Northern Virginia. A phone for any place Onwuhara had found the "good money."
Onwuhara orchestrated his swindles using information about homeowners that is widely available online. In fragments, this information is innocuous. When assembled properly, it can be used like an electronic skeleton key to get into almost any credit account. Onwuhara needed only a few short years to rack up an illicit fortune.
And he's still at large.
At a small United States Air Force installation in eastern Wyoming, I’m sitting at an electronic console, ready to unleash nuclear hell. In front of me is a strange amalgamation of ’60s-era flip switches and modern digital display screens. It’s the control console for launching an intercontinental ballistic missile or ICBM.
Of course, this is just a training scenario. The coded orders are a simulation. The console is a mockup of the real thing, stowed away in a larger hanger and serviced seven days a week by a small staff of Boeing contractors.
If this were a real event, I’d be buried in a steel cocoon 100 feet underground. I’d have shed my standard-issue flight suit and boots. Instead, I’d be wearing sweats, fleece-lined slippers and, naturally, my indispensable, royal blue Snuggie.
Back in the way olden days, folks used to scrawl pictures on cave walls to convey meaning. Needless to say, we've evolved since then -- what with the planting and harvesting, the creation of the wheel, the no longer living in caves.
And yet we still insist on employing crude pictures to convey emotion: the emoticon.
We're putting forth the following challenge to you, dear readers, as the year drags its sorry carcass toward the grave: Spend the rest of this month emoticon-free. The parenthetical purge begins now.
If you feel like an emotional cripple come 2011, then, fine, smile, wink, scowl and "meh" away. But, in the meantime, here are three situations that you can instantly slap the smile outta.
Japanese macaques will completely flip out when presented with flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.
A van carrying beehives crashed into a truck on Monday, and huge swarms of bees broke free and stung the injured and rescue workers at the scene.
In the end, about 20 people were taken to hospitals, six of them injured in the crash and the rest rescue workers who were stung by the bees, said the state-run Anatolia news agency.
At first glance, the pictures look like biology-class slides, microbes swarming in green goo in a Petri dish.
But wait: That one has a fin.
[SHARK WARRIOR PUDDING] Damn, I miss shark week
Entering its third season on a fresh wave of Emmy nominations, AMC’s Mad Men is the most stylish—and perhaps best—show on television. Inside its meticulous reconstruction of the precipice that was New York advertising circa 1960, where the men and women of Sterling Cooper smoke, drink, love, and lie, the author learns about the struggle of Mad Men creator (and former Sopranos writer) Matthew Weiner, the casting of Jon Hamm and January Jones as Don and Betty Draper, and the obsession that fuels each episode.
Over a 10-day period during July 1916, five shark attacks occurred along the New Jersey shore. Four of the victims died and the fifth was seriously injured. This extraordinary cluster of attacks was almost certainly the inspiration for JAWS and is among the most notorious events in the long and grim history of shark-human interactions.
but of course you knew this if you've been watching [SHARK WEEK]
We are followers of the One and Most Holy Jesus Shark.
[JESUS SHARK WARRIOR PUDDING WEEK]
In 2012 the Mayan calendar ends, in what some say is their prediction of the end of the world. The big question is: what exactly does this mean? In other words, what did the Mayans really intend by ending their world calendar on December 24, 2012...
TEOTWAWKI: Phil Plait edition
Once inhabited by the Lenni-Lenape Indians, also known as the Delaware, Hawthorne was settled in the 1700s by Dutch immigrants who were to become the borough's pioneer farmers. This settlement was first part of Manchester Township, a region that was later separated into Hawthorne, Haledon, North Haledon, Prospect Park, Totowa and most of the First Ward of Paterson. The municipality was incorporated by an act of the New Jersey Legislature on March 24, 1898. Hawthorne is one of 16 municipalities within Passaic County, New Jersey.
[Hawthorne theme day]
The world of fetish attire and the craziness of Japanese fashion are two of my biggest style influences. For this look I combined the two, creating a bizarre & cute yet evil fetish dolly look.
[SFW Fetish Day]
Page is SFW, but I'm marking as NSFW as I haven't perused the whole site.