This is me. People want to know what I look like, I'm the guy in this picture.
That is, until this incredibly hot girl in our class started asking him for help with homework and he constantly was rubbing my nose in this. Our friendship disintegrated over a couple of weeks of vicious banter about his obsession with a girl way out of his league.
Moral of the story: Pretty girls screw up everything.
Come to me
I'll take care of you
Calm, calm down
Come lie down
You don't have to explain
That I adore you
That I love you
So don't make me say it
It would burst the bubble
Break the charm
Your building's on fire
I'll catch you
I'll catch you
Destroy all that is keeping you back
And then I'll nurse you
I'll nurse you
Come to me
I'll take care of you
You don't have to explain
CHRISTINA CORNISH-LAURIA was perplexed by a gradual but noticeable decline in her computer's performance. Ms. Cornish-Lauria, the executive director of a nonprofit group, regularly ran one utility that defragmented the hard drive and another that updated her antivirus software. Nonetheless, over the course of six months the PC's performance continued to deteriorate. It was taking longer to boot, and applications ran with a serene indifference to her deadlines. Finally, when Web pages with information that she needed to do her job failed to load completely, Ms. Cornish-Lauria started searching for the cause of her PC's misbehavior.
What she discovered was that her PC, which had 128 megabytes of random access memory, or RAM, was suffering from ''RAM cram.'' The malady arises from the installation of software that brings with it background utilities, called applets, designed to make the main program more convenient or reliable, to help it load faster, or to enable it to link to the vendor's Web site.
Background applets are routinely installed by software drivers and adapters for printers, cameras, scanners, graphic and sound cards, and hand-held organizers. Many software programs, including those from Intuit, Symantec and Microsoft, also contain background utilities.
Individually, these applets are too tiny to be much of a problem. Collectively, though, they can slow a PC's processing speed while contributing to spontaneous lockups.
As it reads and writes data, the Windows operating system creates large temporary files that are ordinarily stored on the PC's RAM. When RAM runs low, as it can when it is consumed by background applets, Windows must create ''swap'' or ''paging'' files on the hard drive in which to store the temporary data it needs. But it takes the system much longer to communicate with the hard drive than with RAM.
Dana Gardner, a technology analyst with the Yankee Group, said that many consumers, when confronted with degraded or unreliable PC performance, mistakenly suppose that the answer is to add more memory or even to buy a new computer. ''What they really need,'' he said, ''is to optimize the PC's memory and configuration.''
Optimization reduces the drain on system resources by disabling unnecessary applets. Many of these applets are not always necessary for the proper functioning of the software or peripheral device with which they are associated, and the software or device will activate them if they are required. You can get an idea which applets are running by looking at the right side of the task bar at the bottom of the Windows screen. Most of the icons there represent applets running in the background. Many others do not display a task bar icon. Information technology professionals know how to prevent resource-reducing applets from loading automatically by editing the Windows Registry, but for many others this can be a perilous endeavor because a single false step can corrupt a hard drive.
Fortunately, casual users can optimize their PC's without risking that by using Msconfig or a commercially available utility program like Ace Utilities or System Mechanic. Msconfig is included with Windows 98, ME and XP but not with Windows 2000 and Windows NT. Users of those systems must seek out a separate utility program.
Using Msconfig to edit many Windows components is not a task for novices. However, when used to manage start-up applets, Msconfig is straightforward: click on Start, Run, then type ''msconfig'' in the Open field and click on O.K. When the System Configuration dialog box opens, click on the Startup tab on the upper right to see the list of applets that start when you boot Windows. Each entry in the list will have a box to the left of its name. To prevent an applet from starting up the next time you boot up your PC, uncheck its box. Bear in mind that unchecking the box does not halt applets that are already running; to do that, you need to reboot. In addition, unchecking the box does not delete the applet or the application it is associated with.
To delete an application altogether, you should use its uninstall option or the Windows Add or Remove Programs utility, which can be found in the Control Panel. But uninstalling a program can leave fragments of it behind, and often what is left behind are the applets you want to prevent from loading. That happens because applets that are active cannot be deleted; Msconfig or another utility can help avoid the problem.
Often, the start-up list of applets contains a dozen entries or more. Determining which applets you should allow to run requires some investigating. Look at the columns to the right of the description for more information. If the applet's name and location relate to a program or product you no longer use, uncheck its box. Some computer experts recommend unchecking applets that have been added by third-party vendors unless they provide antivirus, Internet security or encryption services. Other applets that you should not uncheck are those that are part of the Windows operating system, including Explorer, PCHealth, ScanRegistry, StateMgr, TaskMonitor, Systray and Load PowerProfile. If you use a Palm, leave the HotSync box checked. A comprehensive list and descriptions of many start-up applets can be found at www.pacs-portal.co.uk/startup--pages/startups--short.htm. When you reboot after unchecking any of the applets, Windows will display a Selective Startup mode notification. This gives you the opportunity to undo changes you have made. If you want to restore an applet, reopen Msconfig and check the applet's box to reactivate it. Although it can take more time, you may want to uncheck applets one or two at a time. That will make it easier to figure out what to restore if your computer's performance is affected. Once you are confident that the changes you have made are acceptable, check the box in the notification window that prevents the Selective Startup notice from reappearing in the future.
It is possible to uncheck an applet that is necessary for the computer to boot, which would keep you from getting back into Msconfig, or the notification box, to restore the applet. If that happens, you can start Windows in Safe mode by tapping F8 or the Control key as Windows starts to load, then follow the usual steps to launch Msconfig.
After clearing out unnecessary background applets, you should notice an increase in performance, but your PC may need more RAM. Computers running Windows 98 or ME that are used mainly for e-mail, Web surfing and word processing can function satisfactorily with as little as 64 megabytes of RAM. But if your computer is used for multimedia activities like viewing photos or video, editing audio or video, or playing games, you will need at least 128 megabytes (256 megabytes for 3-D games). One thing to keep in mind, however, is that more than 512 megabytes of RAM on a PC running Windows 98 and ME can cause instability.
Windows 2000 and Windows XP have higher minimum RAM requirements. Microsoft recommends 128 megabytes; it sanctions using as little as 64 megabytes but warns that performance will be marginal. Most computer experts agree that 256 megabytes is the minimum for general use, and that is what most new systems contain. Multimedia functions like photo or audio editing or playing 3-D games, however, push the RAM minimum up to 512 megabytes. Apple ships most Power Mac G4's and low-end G5's with 256 megabytes. But many users, especially those who use their Macs for multimedia activities or desktop publishing, upgrade to 512 megabytes or even 1 gigabyte. Mid- to high-end Power Mac G5's are shipped with 512 megabytes installed.
Once you have removed unwanted applets, you can take steps to prevent the problem from occurring when you add new software. The setup utilities for most programs offer a choice between a Custom or Typical installation. If you chose Custom you can decline an option that offers to automatically start features that are not essential to the application's functioning (antivirus, Internet security and encryption programs typically require background processes).
But no matter how vigilant you are, some applications will manage to install start-up applets. You should consider running Msconfig or one of its commercial counterparts once a month to keep your PC in tune. It requires vigilance, but chances are good that you will avoid the frustration of having your PC run at a snail's pace.
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thou! sands rather than defend
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had
all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competito! r, where millions of people work for slave wages in
sweatshops t o make U.S.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
Q: And like in C! hina, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
Cuba, on the other hand,
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business
with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being
capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
A: Don't be a smartass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
Q:! What's a mil! itary coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men ? fifteen of them Saudi
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them i!
buildings, killing over
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban
million dollars back
in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's ! heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if the y cut people's heads and hands
off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were
in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for
her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchaloppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have el! ections and capitalism like us. We
call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support
our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what
we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our fr! iend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a
godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted !
Q: But how did we know God want ed us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.
Bush and tells him what
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of required warnings appears below.
Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbors Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.
I love physics jokes
unsigned int x = a + b;
if (x // overflow;
For signed values:
int x = a + b;
if (!((a > 0) ^ (b > 0)) && (abs(x) // overflow;
[Underflow works similarly. The appropriate tests are left as an exersice to the reader]
In no particular order:
Enemy at the Gates
The Last of the Mohicans
Traffic (Bootleg BS version)
Full Metal Jacket
The Silence of the Lambs
The Usual Suspects
Nightmare on Elm Street
When Harry Met Sally
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
Band of Brothers
Ferris Beuller's Day Off
The Princess Bride
Beauty and the Beast
Clear and Present Danger
That's it for now. I acquire a few a week.
< a href="http://www.someplace.com > somecrap < /a >
Without closing the open quote, you break the chatter a bit. I'm guessing the chatter is looking to kill unknown html tags and the regularexpression is eating the whole line, but still posting to the chatter.
And evidently, if you try to enter < it doesn't give me a less than sign, but it puts a lessthan sign in the edit control after I click preview. please delete this journal entry if and when the bug is fixed.
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. 'They told us it was full,' said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. 'An axis can't have more than three countries', explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. 'This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.'
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the 'Axis of Somewhat Evil', forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the 'Axis of Occasionally Evil', while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the 'Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable'. With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the 'Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics'.
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the 'Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America', while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the 'Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick'. 'That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do', said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the 'Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay', accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of wo incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.