REE-Form
Posted by smith 10 years ago
PAPPY  
Languishing! Goddamn campaign is  
languishing! We need a shot inna  
arm! Hear me, boys? Inna goddamn  
ARM! Election held tomorra, that  
sonofabitch Stokes would win it in a  
walk!  
 
JUNIOR  
Well he's the reform candidate, Daddy.  
 
Pappy narrows his eyes at him, wondering what he's getting  
at.  
 
PAPPY  
...Yeah?  
 
JUNIOR  
Well people like that reform. Maybe  
we should get us some.  
 
Pappy whips off his hat and slaps at Junior with it.  
 
PAPPY  
I'll reform you, you soft-headed  
sonofabitch! How we gonna run reform  
when we're the damn incumbent!  
 
He glares around the table.  
 
PAPPY  
Zat the best idea any you boys can  
come up with? REEform?! Weepin' Jesus  
on the cross! Eckard, you may as  
well start draftin' my concession  
speech right now.  
 
Eckard grunts as he starts to rise.  
 
ECKARD  
Okay, Pappy.  
 
Pappy whips him back down with his hat.  
 
PAPPY  
I'm just makin' a point, you stupid  
sonofabitch!  
 
ECKARD  
Okay, Pappy.  
 
As he settles back Eckard looks around the table and helpfully  
relays:  
 
ECKARD  
Pappy just makin' a point here, boys.  
 
****  
 
 
SPIVEY  
Helluva awgazation.  
 
JUNIOR  
Say, I gotten idee.  
 
ECKARD  
What sat, Junior?  
 
JUNIOR  
We could hire us a little fella even  
smaller'n Stokes's.  
 
Pappy whips at him with his hat.  
 
PAPPY  
Y'ignorant slope-shouldered sack a  
guts! Why we'd look like a buncha  
satchel-ass Johnnie-Come-Latelies  
braggin' on our own midget! Don't  
matter how stumpy! And that's the  
goddamn problem right there - people  
think this Stokes got fresh ideas,  
he's oh coorant and we the past.  
 
ECKARD  
Problem a p'seption.  
 
SPIVEY  
Ass right.  
 
ECKARD  
Reason why he's pullin' ah pants  
down.  
 
SPIVEY  
Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind.  
 
ECKARD  
Ain't gonna paddle it; he's gonna  
kick it real hard.  
 
With his mouth forming an O around his dropping cigar, Pappy  
looks sadly from one to the other, like a spectator at a  
particularly boring tennis match.  
 
SPIVEY  
No, I believe he's a-gonna paddle  
it.  
 
ECKARD  
Well now, I don't believe assa  
property scription.  
 
SPIVEY  
Well, that's how I characterize it.  
 
ECKARD  
Well, I believe it's mawva kickin'  
sichation.  
 
SPIVEY  
Pullin' ah pants down...  
 
 
10!
XIV: No Barton Fink or Miller's Crossing, but it still stands somehow as my introduction to bluegrass...good ups.
.....
clu: I've been meaning to make a photoshop of this for a few days.  
 
And in all seriousness. How can the incumbent party be the reform party?
LowFlyingMule: Just gotta get you some reeform, boy!