No Parent Left Behind
These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district. (spellings have been left intact.)  
1-- My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.  
2-- Dear school: please ecsc's John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32 and also 33.  
3-- Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.  
4-- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.  
5-- Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.  
6-- Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.  
7-- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.  
8-- Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.  
9-- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. {you know, this could be legit!}  
10-- I kept Billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.  
11-- Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday.
Kassi42: I love things like this as long as they don't show up in my inbox.
deathburger: Aww, and I had a whole stack of viral emails to forward to you too... ;)
Kassi42: haha send them over if you like. Now I'm interested.