Bryant Gumbel's closing monologue on a recent episode of Real Sports
(I heard a sound bite from it on the radio this morning, and found this transcript on pajiba
Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who donâ€™t care about them and wonâ€™t watch them. In fact, I figure that when Thomas Paine said that â€śthese are the times that try menâ€™s souls,â€ť he mustâ€™ve been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because theyâ€™re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the worldâ€™s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that somethingâ€™s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in whatâ€™s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won. And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they donâ€™t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years. Face it â€” these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February. So if only to hasten the arrival of the day theyâ€™re done, when we can move on to March Madness â€” for Godâ€™s sake, let the games begin.